This is my first time posting anything on here so I'm just going to release EVERYTHING in a mixed jumble!!!
ok here's the thing, I'm gay and like I come from a Macedonian/Penticostal family. My parents BOTH drive me INSANE, including my mother, and like I'm on the edge of moving out. Anyways my family are VERY homophobic and are AGAINST everything that don't meet with their so called "standards" my parents always think they are "right" because they are christians... when they're at most times not. Anyways, my mum ALWAYS picks fights with me, she finds little things to fight over and she's VERY over-protective and a control freak in other words... a nutjob, a fruit cake. She ALWAYS thinks she's trying to do whats best for me when she's ONLY making things WORSE. She ALWAYS causes problems in the family, not even her own sisters and their children like my mum, she always thinks that they (the other family) always pick on her and cause problems with her for no reason, but the truth is they give her crap because there is a reason, my mum thinks she's better than everyone else, she thinks she's the fuckin innocent and makes everyone the bad one because she's a christian and well a 2 faced hypercritical bitch, she ALWAYS calls me 9 times a day to see where I am, if I tell her I'm with friends and safe, she DEMANDS to know where I am, like wtf? if I was in trouble I would have told her, she thinks the internet has given me a bad influence because I've changed differently towards her, we used to be close, but NOW heeeeeeeell no!!! we don't get a long, we fight because she ALWAYS picks the most stupid reasons to fight over with, for example if I want to go and sleep over a friends place she goes completely pissed off saying that I'll ruin my future and my life and that today we can't trust friends blah blah blah... like wtf? I'm NOT stupid! I know how the world works! just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I'll ruin my life and do something stupid... as I said I'm not DUMB!! anyways this one time I was in hospital and my mum went thru my phone and found a message from a guy and after we were in the car, she started crying and was ANGRY, so she started asking questions if I was gay and I was like no I'm not and she was like "I promise to god and on the holy bible, if you are gay I will deny you as my son, I'll pretend that you never came into this world or that you existed, I rather see you dead than being gay, I would never come to your funeral if you did die, I would want to have ANYTHING to do with you because being gay is an evil spirit from the devil" so basically I kept telling her no no no and it stopped for at least 3 months or something until recently she started to bring it up, about who I'm talking to on the net, asking when I'll get a girlfriend, or if I don't that I'll end up like those poofters, its been goin on for 2 MONTHS NOW!!! she's driving me insane!!! we always have fights now, I've ran away from home a few times because I can't take her shit anymore!!! my best friend and her mum know the whole situation better, but I can't explain it well on here cause I'm not good with explaining much but yeah... anyways like my dad... he's a fuckin 2 faced anger managed minister at a church... he and my mum act so fuckin holy in front of everyone while in behind closed doors they are both retards!!! 2 years ago I ended up in hospital... I had to make an excuse that I starved myself and collapsed... but the truth was this: I came home from the movies, and me and my mum got into a fight because she thought I was hanging with a bad crowd because my personality changed towards her... pfft as if... just because I finally got a new best friend, I had someone to have fun with and she thinks I'm hanging with a bad crowd... I'm not an idiot... anyways we got into a fight and dad got involved and like I wanted to go for a walk but dad wouldn't let me, and I pushed him and my mum out of the way so I can get thru and dad pins me onto the floor and started to hit me repeatedly on the face saying that they dont deserve this and that I'm causing problems... anyways he hit my on my face around the eye REALLY HARD and like he actually caused one of the blood vessles in my eye to burst... anyways I didn't notice I had it til after I woke up during the near night time... I looked in the mirror and saw something... I went into the bathroom for a closer look and saw I had a blood burst... anyways my sister saw it and had a go at my mum but dad was at work and like she blamed it on me... anyways I was feeling sick cause I have a weak stomach for blood and like I was going back to my room when I felt dizzy and blacked out and banged my head on the doorframe and knocked myself out... after being unconcious for 4 hours in hospital... my folks changed the story about what happened... they mentioned we had a fight but didnt mention what my dad do... anyways after a while mum came in and started to beg that I didn't tell the counciler about what REALLY happened... but as time went by... things got worse... dad always picks fights with me too including my mum always blaming everything on me, I'm in the wrong, I'm the bad one, I hang out with the wrong crowd, like this one time at 4am dad come downstairs and into the study and fully went off at me saying that I don't own the computer and like when I watch tv and mum comes down she takes the control and makes a big deal saying that I don't own the tv... like duh.. but still!!! They keep having me trapped... and soon I'm going to break... I had a LOT of problems at school and when I came home I had more crap with my parents... so it really sucked.. anyways my whole family is just fucked! like my mum and her sisters and their daughters don't get along with my mum or my sisters and like its been goin on for 7 years!!! and my family invited both families to my sisters engagement last year and like it was the best mans turn to lead the dance... he's my sisters fiances brother, anyways like my 2 cousins jenny and diana took his hand and led the dance instead... and my mum cut in front of them so they could let go... anyways after that my mum and my family made a BIG deal out of this... they showed the dvd to her brother (my mums brother) and like when he saw it he snapped at them and made a BIG deal out of it thanks to my mum and after 7 years when the family had FINALLY gotten together, my mum and my sisters tore the WHOLE family again once more cause of one stupid thing that I saw no big deal to... anyways like I hate the best man.. he's said something stupid about me and like this one time a few years back my cousin mira's ex steven got into a fight with robert (the best man) and robert was like "don't make me get my mates to kidnap mira and fuckin rape her" like WTF??! they made a BIG deal out of something stupid at the engagement but they don't make a big deal for what he said? compare them both... which is the big deal?! getting someone of your family raped OR intruding by leading the dance that the best man was suppose to lead? its so fuckin messed!! thats what!!! and like we were at this family bbq that marked 3 years since my grandmother died and like my mum said hello to everyone except her sisters and like her sister said to my mum "arn't you going to say hi?" and mum was like "I don't want to know you" and that made things WORSE!!!! because before the bbq a week before was my cousins engagement and like they sort of ignored my mum but who wouldn't? last year when my cousin jenny came over to make peace with my mum... my mum was acting like a fuckin bitch and she said something about her sister saying "I don't want to know her because I'd rather spit on her grave." and that made things again a LOT worse... and like my mum always thinks she's the innocent one... that she's the victem of all of this... while all 3 of them are the fuckin problem... they bring the kids into this and make things even a lot worse... no one can stand my mum... including me... its been going on for 3 years now and I'm fucking close to leave home... I got accepted into NIDA aka National Institute of Dramatic Arts and like its 20 grand for 4years!!! and if I leave home my folks won't support me... even if I did get a job... it won't cover up... because if I leave home I'd need a place to live and pay for rent... and like none of my family wont take me because mum will find out and make thigns a lot worse... and my folks won't support me... but honestly all I can say is FUCK the scholarship... I can't take her crap anymore... she keeps picking fights with me the WHOLE week now!!! If I seriously don't get out I'll fuckin do something to make them suffer! I don't give a shit if I kill myself because I don't want anything to do with this family anymore... they're all a bunch of highcase fuckin drama queens who all need to be shot and re shot!!!! sorry if most of it didnt make sense... its just I cant concerntrate well when I'm stressed and pissed off... I've put on 10 kilos in 1 month thanks to mum being on my back everyday!!!! I'll upload a bit of the video of the part my 2 cousins did at the engagement which made my family make a BIG deal out of it... I saw the dvd for the first time last week and when I saw it what they did I was like is that all? you made a big deal out of that? that little thing? one little thing and all hell breaks loose?!..... fuckin idiots!!! mum has even forbid me to speak to her sisters or their children... if I do speak to them at a family gathering... when I get home I get lectured... my mum was like what makes you think they like you if they dont like me or your sisters? like wtf? I told my cousins that and they were shocked!!! they promised to god its not true because they have nothing against me and I have nothing against them... its just my family who thinks they're too holy is the problem... idiots! I can't even sleep over their place or have any contact with them by phone or email without my family going INSANE!! I want OUT!!! but too scared to face the outside world... because of a certain family member of mine... so if ANYONE has any suggestions pleeeease help me out... I can't take this crap... I just hate my family! I don't even want to be apart of this messed up baboons!!! so yeah... sorry for the long essay type writing... just had to get that off... I have a lot more but I think it's taking up too of your time... til next time... ttyl! thanx for your time.